Athena Warburton, Goddess of Barnsley, prides herself on her bacon butties. Sophia Ferrari, Siren of Siena, prefers Prosciutto di Parma. Never the two shall meet - until, that is, Darton High School exchange matches their daughters. Will Adele Warburton (old enough to have a tattoo) and the glamorous Letitzia (young enough to model) bond or battle?
The Italian job goes down a storm with the neighbours who keep coming round to inspect la bella Letitzia but few are as keen as Nick, Adele's older brother. With an anglo-italian nativity in the making, the Warburtons and Ferraris are brought together at Christmas.
A clash of cultural differences fans the fire which burns the turkey in a spectacular show down on Christmas Day. Packed with spirit, this is one Christmas you'll never forget.
More new writing from Kirsty Eyre.
The Main Characters:
| Character |
Playing Age |
Description |
| Athena Warburton |
Early to mid thirties |
On the outside: Ferocious, overweight, stubborn, proud, ardently Northern and well hard - the sort of woman who can shit bricks and piss ice cubes. Multi-layered. Sensitive, caring and loving deep down on the inside with a canny sense of humour. |
| Aidan Warburton |
Early to mid thirties |
Lazy, unambitious, frustrating, inconfident. The twinkle of intelligence once in his eyes has been dulled by his addicition to smoking too much weed. A good soul underneath with a good sense of humour. He has become subserviant to the women in the family who rule the roost. |
| Nick Warburton |
22 |
Salt of the earth, wears his heart on his sleeve, honest, dim-witted and slow on the up-take but die-on-the-sword loyal, loving and kind. |
| Adele Warburton |
16 |
Scowling, full of hormones and angst, sensitive yet sensible and a decent human being in the making. She is considered, emotionally intelligent and honest. |
| Ross Warburton |
14 |
Child prodigy, an academic genius, constantly taunted at school for being clever. |
| Grandma Calypso |
Late forties to mid fifties |
Obsessed with cleaning and tidying to the point of OCD. She fusses and fiddles and is hyperactive. |
| Great Grandma Iris |
70ish |
Fun, comically ditsy, forgetful and very lovable. The first signs of dementia have set in. |
| Sophia Ferrari |
40s |
Glamour puss of Rome. She oozes sophistication and would be more at home on a chaise longue than a sofa. She is flamboyant, hot headed and can swing between cool aloof to red hot chilli fiery. |
| Letizia Ferrari |
16-17 |
An unsolved mystery. A mix of vulnerable, down-to-earth, serious, frightened adolescence and an air of aloof unavailability. Oh and very beautiful. |
| Julie |
16 |
Comedy character. Adele's sidekick. Never happier than when she' s eating. She's not that fussed about much else other than... Darren. |
| Darren Whittaker |
28 |
Good looking, all the gear, no idea. Cocky, confident, thinks he's God's gift. |
| Bernadette |
30s to 50s |
Completely barking mad. She has a split personality. One of her selves indulges in gossip, tea and a normal family life. Madam Verity, her alter-ego is alternative in every way. |
| Miss Cassini |
28-50 |
Wholesome, nervous, jumpy, slightly drab school teacher who comes out of her shell in comic translation. |
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